VAMPIRES!

So I picked up the newest issue of “Entertainment Weekly.” Why? Because it has vampires written on the top in giant, bold letters with an exclamation point. VAMPIRES! I can’t turn away from that, I have a huge vampire fetish. I own several vampire movies, including, but not limited to all three Blade films, Oldman’s Dracula, John Carpenters Vampires, Underworld 1&2etc. I’ve read books, I own The Vampire Chronicles and have read the Laurell K Hamilton Anita Blakeseries, as well as Bram Stoker, yada, yada, yada. So naturally when I saw the VAMPIRES! I had to pick it up. Inside they discussed Twilight and “True Blood” and then decided to make a list of the top 20 vampires. I’m going to relay it to you, then discuss it.

So, to be clear, the following is from “Entertainment Weekly.”
1. Lestat
2. Christopher Lee’s Dracula
3. Bela Lugosi’s Dracula
4. Edward Cullen Twilight
5. Bill and Eric “True Blood”
6. Asa Vajda Black Sunday
7. Angel “Angel”
8. Mr. Barlow Salem’s Lot
9. Schuyler Van Alen “Blue Bloods”
10. Gary Oldman’s Dracula
11. Klaus Kinski’s Dracula Nosferatu the Vampyre
12. Zoey Redbird “House of Night”
13. Jean Claude Anita Blake
14. David The Lost Boys
15. Miriam Blaylock and Sarah Roberts The Hunger
16. Blade Blade
17. Eli Let The Right One In
18. Countess Bathory Daughters of Darkness
19. Selene Underworld
20. Caleb and Mae Near Dark

The readers poll also gave Alexander Skarsgard the hottest new vampire title.

What the fuck “Entertainment Weekly?” You’re going to put Edward “I fucking sparkle” Cullen ahead of Blade, Selene, Gary Oldman, and Klaus Kinski? Not to mention Jean Claude. Fuck that gay little fairy vampire.

Ugh. I have yet to see the movie, or read the books, because, well, I’m a man. I have no desire to read or see anything that has teenage girls waiting in line for hours. Nope. Its why I’ve never listened to a Backstreet Boys or Britney Spears album. Nope, ain’t gonna do it. Nope.

Then again they also threw the “True Blood” guys up there. Why?

This list would have been different for me. One, Klaus Kinski would be number one because he is fucking Dracula. He “is” what started vampires in film. Not to mention I think he really is a vampire. That dude just looked fucking freaky. I probably would have put Lestat at number two and Jean Claude at number three. In my opinion they are two of the best vampires ever written. They got it all, looks, charm, class…I’d do em.

Shit, let me use the exact same characters and make my list.
1. Klaus Kinski’s Dracula
2. Lestat Vampire Chronicles
3. Jean Claude Anita Blake
4. Gary Oldman’s Dracula
5. Bela Lugosi’s Dracula
6. Christopher Lee’s Dracula
7. David The Lost Boy’s
8. Countess Bathory Daughters of Darkness
9. Blade Blade
10. Selene Underworld
11. Angel “Angel”
12. Mr. Barlow Salem’s Lot
13. Bill and Eric “True Blood”
14. Asa Vajda Black Sunday
15. Caleb and Mae Near Dark
16. Edward Cullen Twilight
17. Eli Let The Right One In
18. Miriam Blaylock and Sarah Roberts The Hunger
19. Schuyler Van Alen “Blue Blood”
20. Zoey Redbird “House of Night”

Of course, I would toss in ones like Jan Valek in Vampires because, well, he rips someone in half with his fingers. Or every vampire in 30 Days of Night because they were…brutal. Notice how most of the vampires on this are “tame?” Well, Eric did rip that dude in half on that one episode of “True Blood” and then got upset because he got blood in his hair.

Anyway…just felt like spewing some vampire shit. And yes, if given the opportunity, I would totally be a vampire.