So, my life is weird.
There was a girl I knew in high school that was going through a bad breakup like myself around the same time. So it was fun conversing with her about how much we hate the opposite sex, how much shit life is, and how much we wished misery on any and all couples (especially the ones that looked all cute and made out in public). Well in April she started dating another guy we went to high school with and then this week changed that status on facebook from a big ole “In a Relationship” to “Engaged.” What? Really? In less then a year? Wait, shit, in less then six months? Then I get a nice kick when I look at the ex’s page…the one that started dating a guy less then two weeks after we broke up…the one I thought was “the one.” Her status went to “Engaged.” Really? What the fuck am I missing? I mean seriously.
How does it seem that life is just flying by me? I need to get a manual for this shit or something. Do they sell that somewhere? Like can I walk into a B&N and find a “Life for Dummies” book? That would be nice. Something that tells you what to do, when to do it, what to say, and when to say it.
One of my friends had a get together tonight, it was his 26th birthday. It was interesting to see people I haven’t seen in months, and in some cases, years. Interesting to see how many different paths our lives have gone on. Some are married, have kids, are engaged, are single. It was odd. The couples kind of stood out against the single people. I noticed most of the couple men eyeballed us single guys wishing they could come back…and some of the women looked at the guys wondering if they had chosen the right person to fuck for the rest of their lives.
I’m a people watcher. I notice little things. Ever since I started going out I started picking up body language. I would say I’m quite good at it now. One of the things some of my friends like is when we are at a bar I can see a guy flirting with a girl and within a few seconds know if she is going home with him, or letting him buy her drinks. After all, its said that women know within 15 seconds of meeting a guy whether or not they would sleep with them.
I think picking up little things like that helps me write characters better. I can give them more depth in a story just with a simple hand gesture that when forced on you, you notice, but without that push you would never see.
Back to what I was saying though. Am I ever going to figure this out? Am I ever going to get motivated to actually do the things I want to do in life. To see the things I want to see? Everyone keeps telling me to go back to college and finish but for what? I can’t do a corporate job, no sir, not me. Isn’t that pretty much the point of college? To get a “professional” job? How many questions can I ask in one blog?
I want to see the world. I want people to know my name one day. I think the way we ramble through life, just trying to get through it (for what?) isn’t what we are meant for. We should get the most out of life. How can we do that though? With money. That’s what this whole fucked up bullshit world runs on. 
You know, I thought about moving to London once. I did all the research, found a flat I could afford, I started saving up money (this was right after I got kicked out of college) to pay for at least three months without income, and then I looked into getting a VISA. Know what? Ain’t happening. There was no way I could get the points up. None. Now I know some people told me to just travel to London and then, “stay.” Then I would be no better then the illegal immigrants that come here. That made me think though. This fucking country’s motto was once “Bring us your tired, your hungry, and your poor.” So what are we, and other countries like the UK doing? Saying fuck your tired, your hungry, your poor…bring us the motherfuckers that can make money. That’s no lie. You can automatically get a VISA if you have a Masters degree in Business from one of like 5 universities in this country. Guess the universities. Another way, if you make over $100,000 a year. That was probably one of the few things in my life I was actually determined to do, and the world fucked me.
Asshole World.
I know what I need to do, “quit bitching and do something about it.” Well fuck, you think I don’t know that? However, living in a depressed state of shit you tend to have a hard time doing that. Depression is unmotivating as fuck. I’m going to shut up now…I’m not drunk enough for this. I'm doing a drunken babble and I haven't even been drinking.
"Quit bitching and do something about it" only works if, instead of going to school for 4 years, you saved up 500 bucks a month and the put all that money into schooling, or moving, or pontificating - wait that's what we're doing, nevermind. Because fuck, you can't go to a decent school and stay alive unless you have rich parents who throw wads of money at you or you win an amazing scholarship because you're not white or a man or diability-free. You can't truly excel to the point where it will really help in the long run unless you have no. other. distractions. No sex, no work, no wine, no films. Just school. FUCK THAT.
ReplyDeleteWait, I just realized ranting like a bitch isn't really the thing to do in the comment section of a blog. Thanks for being in the same shitty situation and making me feel like less of a whatever it is this feeling is. I like to remind myself that the younger generations aren't doing anything better, and soon enough the entire world is going to be full of Us.
Ha ha.