Thursday, July 30, 2009

Why You Shouldn't Watch Event Horizon and Try to Write a Blog

So, I’m sober…well, I was high earlier but that was a long time ago, chilling in the apartment hungry (but I have no money), watching Event Horizon and checking Pajiba like every two fucking seconds because I have nothing better to do.

“This place is a tomb…” That’s where I am currently at in the movie, they just entered the ship.

Anyway, I’m kind of having a great week on Pajiba. I got my review of Mayhem Festival put up on the site and then today I saw that I got number four on the EE. Not bad huh? Is it sad that Pajiba is kind of the highlight of my day. I can’t wait to get off work and check out what’s going on. I like the community. When DR posted the survey of Pajiba I realized that the majority of the people there are just like me, well, except the ‘majority’ is technically female. I’m glad my buddy Michael tuned me into the site. I’ll have to thank him again.

I had a date with a Amy, a girl I knew in high school on Tuesday. We went hiking in the rain. It was nice…peaceful. I guess we would be dating but with her schedule and the fact that she is moving into a house…I don’t know how much “dating” we will actually be able to do. It’s ok, we’re not together so the option for either of us to date other people is still out there. Which is good, because I feel like my game is coming back. Why? I have no idea, but I’ve noticed my flirting has kicked up a notch, and the female population is starting to look appealing to me. Its been awhile.

I was doing something the other day and got the wild hair up my ass to look up Gillian Anderson. Man, I think that woman is getting better looking with age. I remember the giant crush I had on her on “The X-Files.” In fact, if I was to be technical I would say she was probably my first “celebrity crush.” The crush even went so far as for me to rent a little movie of hers called The Turning that came out in 1992. Why would I rent said movie? Because she had a nude scene in it, that’s why. What did I learn? That the movie was a piece of crap, and for being as pretty as she is she has some horrible looking breasts.

*barely audible* “For god sakes help me”
“Its in your head, its all in your head…….God help us.”

I’m watching the movie and I keep looking at Laurence Fishburne…well…I’m looking at the gap in Fishburne’s teeth. Its reminding me of the gap in Anna Paquin’s mouth. I would say she should get that fixed, but for some reason I have several friends who find that an attractive quality of hers.

“You’ll never be alone again. You’re with me now, you’re with me. I have such wonderful, wonderful things…to show you.”

If you know the movie you can tell my gaps from me searching the internet. I.e. checking Facebook and Pajiba.

I know I started writing this blog for a specific purpose but I can’t for the life of me remember what the fuck it was. This movie is sucking my brain, you would think I would be able to function considering I’ve seen it like a million times. Guess it’s just that damn good. It still is (and probably always will be) one of my favorite horror films, in fact, I usually rate it right at the top.
Ok, the movie is almost over…I’ll write more later.

"Do you see? Do you see? Do you see?"
"Yes, I see."

Awwwww shit. I forgot this movie ended to "Prodigy"s Smack my bitch up.

I think I'm going to watch Dark City.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Wanna Know What the Definition of Shit TV is?

So there is a piece of shit show out there, that apparently people are watching (enough that it has a 7.7 rating on IMDB), called “Merlin.” Allow me to continue, please.

First is the cast, they’re all pretty much crap. Let’s start with characters you would know.
Arthur (Bradley James) what’s he done? Nothing much.
Merlin (Colin Morgan) nothing much but an episode of “Dr. Who.” You will for some reason see a recurring theme on that one.
Gwen (Angel Coulby) “Talk to Me,” “Dr. Who.”
Morgana (Katie McGrath) “The Tudors.” She also kind of looks like Keira Knightley so that's a plus. (the picture is of her and Gwen)
Nimueh (Michelle Ryan) “Bionic Woman,” “Dr. Who.”
Those are the more familiar as far as the Arthur legend. How about
Uther Pendragon (Anthony Head) “Dr. Who,” and yes, Giles on fucking “Buffy The Vampire Slayer.”
Gaius (Richard Wilson) some 95 credits to his name, yes, including “Dr. Who.”
Sorry I laid the cast out there like that but I wanted to get it out of the way before I continue.

I’ve watched two episodes of this fucking atrocity just in case there was actually something redeeming in it despite the fact that they are bastardizing the fucking legend. So far, nope. The last episode I watched was actually Episode Five, Lancelot. With Lancelot being played by Santiago Cabrera who most notably played Isaac Mendez on “Heroes.” How are they bastardizing it? Well…lets begin.

The first thing that noticeably struck me was that they are all young, by all I mean all of the King Arthur people. They are literally all the same age. That includes Arthur and Merlin (note the picture).

Merlin is no longer the wise old wizard…he’s a sorcerer now. Ohh, by the way, magic is outlawed so he is not allowed to openly practice his gift and instead uses it every once in awhile usually to negative effects. Gaius is his mentor and otherwise protector to slap him on the wrist when he does something wrong or find him a spell that may need to be used. Whatever. So to continue.

Nimueh is an evil bitch, gone is her being Merlin’s lover.

Morgana is actually really nice and they have some little love connection going on between her and…Arthur.

Guinevere, oh, sorry, Gwen, is a peasant who waits on Morgana and is having a little love connection with…Merlin.

Arthur is a spoiled fucking rich kid, Merlin is his servant.

In this episode, which was basically an attempted rip off of A Knights Tale, Lancelot comes through but can’t compete to become one of Arthur’s famed knights because he is not a noble so Merlin forges the noble documents. Lancelot becomes a knight, only to be found out and denied his knighthood, whereby he is released by Arthur and presently slaws the evil monster. Only to still be denied knighthood. Its fucking retarded. They even tried to toss in there a little longing between Guinevere, sorry, Gwen, and Lancelot.

Considering “Kings” (which by the way I guess I watched the series finale today and it was still awesome) is getting shit on, why the fuck are people watching this show? The graphics are terrible, I’m talking worse then another one of my favorites “Legend of the Seeker.” You can tell its horrible cgi, like SyFy worthy cgi. The script is crap. The directing (despite the fact that there are several directors) is childish.

You should see the fight scene between Lancelot and Arthur, the fight between them with sticks was better then the one between them with swords. The slow mo during those fights? Fuck, at least the slow mos in “Legend of the Seeker” heighten Bridget Regan’s sex appeal.

All the acting is simply terrible, yes, even Anthony Head is terrible. Every time I see him on the screen I cringe for what is about to come. Why are people watching this?

Give me the 1998 “Merlin,” top that motherfucker. Check out the cast on that bitch:
Sam Neil
Helena Bonham Carter
John Gielgud
Rutger Hauer
James Earl Jones
Miranda Richardson
Isabella Rossellini
Martin Short
Lena Headey
Jesus Christ why don’t you talk about a good fucking cast for a TV miniseries. I loved that shit. That miniseries was not short of amazing.

While looking that up I found that Sam Neil and Miranda Richardson reprised their roles for another TV miniseries called “Merlin’s Apprentice” in 2006. Going to have to check that out. Even though I have no doubt it won’t be as good as the 98’ “Merlin” I also have no doubt that it will be better then this piece of shit “Merlin.”

My work here is done.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Why Is My Life Fucked Up?

So I’m sure Mayhem Fest was fantastic, I can’t really tell you, I was too pissed off to enjoy it. Let me tell you the why to being pissed off, and then I’ll tell you about the show. So…the why.

First of all let me pretty much guarantee you this is the last time I will talk about “the lady,” and you’ll find out why. So Wednesday I went over for another booty call, it wasn’t supposed to be a booty call, it just kind of turned into one. When it was time for bed she sent me home with my stuff that happened to be over there. I assumed this meant it was going to be the last time and she pretty much confirmed that it was the next day texting her at work. Well that night I get a little drunk and we start texting again.

I ask her if she wants to come out to the bar with me where I was going to meet some of my friends, and that she could stay the night with me. This was going to kill several birds with one stone. One, I would finally get to take her out. Two, in the year I’ve lived in this apartment I have yet to have a female over that I was involved with. Three, that meant I was going to get to pop the cherry in my apt. Well, surprise to me she agreed.

So I drive the twenty five minutes to go pick her up, we get to the bar, she’s already kind of drunk (go figure right? She only wanted me to come over when she was drinking) and we cozy up and start drinking. Her, a fishbowl of Fuck Me Blue, me, all you can drink Bud Light. I noticed she was very flirty, she kept talking to this guy next to us but she was staying close to me and making out with me every few minutes. Well, friends show up, I get to talking, and when a seat opens I ask her if she wants it, she says no, so I sit down. Within seconds she is basically flirting with every guy that is around her. This doesn’t bother me, I’m not a jealous person nor am I controlling (I’ve had girlfriends wean me off of both of those) so it didn’t bother me.

One of my x’s, Brennan, who happened to be there, used to go out to bars while I was at work. I would get off work and meet her at the bar to find her flirting with some guy. She would be giving him a little attention and he would buy her drinks all night. Worked for me because when the place was closing down she would walk right over to me, kiss me, and ask me if I was ready to go. No bar tab for me. Well, my friend Daria sits down next to me and then next to her this guy sits down who looks like Keifer Sutherland off of Lost Boys,…only gay…well “the lady” is flirting with him. I don’t really pay attention until I look over and see her making out with him.

Now I didn’t do anything. We’re not together. We’re not a couple. She could do whatever she wants. I let her continue while I keep drinking. When I’m ready to go I walk up to her and say, “-insert name- I’m leaving, you ready to go?” she gives me the gesture of hold on a sec. I ask her three more times to the same response. On the last time I say goodnight and leave. Granted, that’s dick, but I really didn’t care.

I get home and my friend Daria calls me to tell me she left pretty soon after I did with the guy she was hanging on. I call her at 2:33am with a conversation that lasts 6:16:
Her: Hey, where’d you go?
Me: Home.
Her: Are you going to come get me?
Me: Where are you?
Her: I don’t know.
Me: If you don’t know where you are then how am I supposed to come get you?
Her: *laughs*
-insert somebody playing guitar behind her…badly-
Me: You fuck that guy yet?
Her: Not yet…I gotta go, let me call you back.
A few texts messages later I go to sleep after getting nowhere of where she was at. Which included the city…and the road. I get another at 4:22am asking me to come get her.

Now I know leaving her was dick. Hell, maybe like she said I should have pulled her away. In my defense, why should I have to? She said that if I was a gentleman that I would have at least come back and checked to see if she was alright and not leave her with a stranger. I told her that my gentleman went out the door when she started making out with a guy right next to me. She tells me she wanted me and that she was just drunk. I say obviously she didn’t want me if she was with another guy three feet from me…and not to blame alcohol.

I don’t care how fucking drunk you are you know what you’re doing unless your unconscious, you might not remember it the next day, but at the time you knew exactly what you were doing.

When I asked her if she fucked him her response was: “What do you think? You left me at the bar fucking drunk…” That’s a reason to fuck someone? Ever heard of a taxi? Or I don’t know, calling me? I hope it was good.

So what do you think? If anyone reads this? Was I a dick or did I act accordingly?

I liked her…I really did.

Mayhem Fest.

We got there late because David had to go get his brother and he hit traffic on the way back so instead of leaving at 3:00 we end up leaving around 4:00. All That Remains was supposed to be playing at 4:30. Needless to say after trying to get through Atlanta near rush hour we hit traffic and didn’t end up getting there until much later.

The first band I watched when I got there was Behemoth who were pretty badass, then Trivium. Wasn’t a big fan of Trivium.

A little later I watched about three songs of Cannibal Corpse, I say three because I wasn’t in the mood for death metal and one of the songs included “Cumming Blood.”

Saw Bullet For My Valentine…not too bad, much better then DragonForce the year before.

Next was Killswitch Engage who rocked the fuck out. They had a lot of energy and were rather funny. One of the guitarists even talked about how he wanted his thumb to have the smell of every eighteen year old vagina in the crowd by the end of the night. They closed with “Holy Diver.“

Next came put me to fucking sleep Slayer. All the songs sounded the same, the guitar solos went on forever, the singer sucks, the stage show was pretty good…the band sucked.

Last was Manson who didn’t put on as good of a show as I thought he would (NIN, Rob Zombie, Godsmack, Slipknot put on fantastic shows). He was funny though. He had people running around the stage picking shit up as he tossed it. Which included the mic stand every time a song started. He even kissed Evan Rachel Wood on stage if that’s who he is still with. Played some good songs, some not so good, closed with “Beautiful People.”

All in all, last year was better. Then again, it could have been that I was pissed.

It was looking to be fantastic...great sex, half day at work, metal music all night. FML.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

"Kings" A Really Crappy Review

I’m bored…and felt like writing…something.

So I just watched the next to last episode of “Kings.” I don’t watch the show when it comes on TV, mainly because I don’t have cable, but HULU has fast become my friend. It’s a shame that a show like this is going to go off the air due to poor ratings, yet “Dollhouse” got picked up for a second season.

“Kings” is a modern telling of the biblical story of David vs. Goliath or that of the rise of King David. In fact you see this modern re-telling of David slaying Goliath in the very first episode, albeit instead of a giant man it’s a fucking tank. It seems to take place in an almost futuristic style judging by the look of some of the buildings and the technology used. Which makes this re-telling even better. King Silas leads, ya know, for the life of me I can’t recall and my internet is acting slow but their fucking symbol is a butterfly, against Gath. Other then the “future” part just imagine back in the day with Kings and Queens and knights and battles and conflict over territories and peasant uprisings and, well, you get the idea.

While the show may follow religious overtones, like that of “god” choosing who should be king or showing who is guarded over by god (in the case of one episode a crown of butterflies lands on David’s head), it doesn’t play too heartily on them. Even I, being completely non-Christian can watch the show and enjoy it.

The reason why I say this show shouldn’t be going off the air, and it is a shame it is, is for the fact that it’s just an awesome fucking program. It has everything, romance, action, drama, war, drug use, intrigue, suspense, I can keep popping off descriptive words if you’d like. The acting (for the most part) is fantastic. A few of the highlights would be:

Ian McShane (who most recently did voice work for Kun Fu Panda & Coraline) who plays King Silas Benjamin and does so with charm, he can make you hate him in one scene and adore him in the next.

Dylan Baker (Revolutionary Road, Happiness) as William Cross, basically the evil corporate conglomerate behind everything that is going on. He is the devil that whispers in everyone’s ear. In one episode, just to prove a point, he turns the power off in the entire city.

Allison Miller (who hasn’t really done much except random TV appearances) as Princess Michelle Benjamin, I don’t really know if she can act to be honest, she’s just really easy on the eyes, kind of like Bridget Regan in “Legend of the Seeker.”

Sebastian Stan (The Covenant, “Gossip Girl”) as Prince Jack Benjamin, who plays a gay aristocrat to a fucking T. He’s like an asshole Paris Hilton, and its awesome.

I can’t really get into Susanna Thompson (The Ballad of Jack and Rose, oooooo she played the Borg Queen on “Star Trek: Voyager”) Eamoon Walker (“Oz,” Cadillac Records), or Christopher Egan (Resident Evil: Extinction, Eragon), for these reasons. Thompson, who plays Queen Rose Benjamin, seems flat. She only has one personality, seemingly one side to her, and for that reason she is boring as shit every time she is on screen. The same goes for Walker, Reverend Ephram Samuels, who quite possibly is one of the most “powerful” characters in the show and yet shows no such power. Egan plays David and he does so with so much Boy Scout charm that it drives you insane. His acting is decent, but the character kind of lacks depth and personality, although he seems to be getting some in the later episodes.

Two others you can toss in there for supporting are Macaulay Culkin as Andrew Cross , Brian Cox as the king whose throne Silas took, King Vesper Abaddon (I don’t think I have to give their credits, you should know who they are), and Mark Margolis (“Oz,” The Fountain) as Premier Shaw.

I don’t know what else to say. Get your ass on HULU and check out the whole season? I guess that’s good enough.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Wait, Am I Going To Be A Fuck Buddy?

Christ my roomie needs to find a fucking job. It’s getting really old that his girlfriend is over here all the time. I don’t know if its because I haven’t even had a girl over here, because if she lived here it would be different, or because the more I’m around her the less I like her. I think it’s the latter. Ever since that incident with the “smell” I hate being around her. In fact, there isn’t a single aspect of her that I like. Wait…nope…not one.

Went out to Sidelines last night, typical Monday ritual, got pretty drunk, met an interesting lesbian, went swimming and got kicked out by the cops, stayed up till 7am. Was a strange night.

So things have changed with the “lady,” again, maybe. She was drinking last night and texting me. It sounded like she wanted me to come over. So today I asked her if she just wanted me to be her late night drunk booty call. She replied back “Lol if you wanna be…ha ha.” To which I said that would not be a problem with me. This will be a first in my life. I’ve never been a booty call/fuck buddy. Strangely I’m comfortable with that. I get to keep my money, I don’t really have to worry about offending her or whether or not her parents would like me, all I have to do is have sex with her. Who doesn’t like sex? I mean really. When you get a girl who is sexually open minded. Can have marathon sex. Likes pain. Talks dirty, and finds out your fantasies and re-enacts them for you. How the hell can you lose? Holy shit this girl is a catch. Note the picture...did I mention she likes pain?

I’m having a very lazy day off today. I’ve spent the whole day in bed. In fact I’ve only gotten out of bed to get something to drink and eat…and bathroom breaks. I’m having a movie marathon. Today. First it was The Uninvited, then Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, now it’s The 13th Warrior (I‘m watching the swimming scene right now, have you ever tried to hold your breath for a whole scene in a movie where the actors are supposed to be holding their breath?). I think I will end the evening with some episodes of “True Blood” followed by Event Horizon. Nothing like watching a scary ass horror movie right before bed, gives me good nightmares and therefore plenty of inspiration. I am going to have to leave at some point though, I need to go to the grocery store to get something for dinner.

I’m looking forward to Mayhem Festival on Friday. Couldn’t pay for the ticket so Tim paid the $150 bucks for me. For VIP. We might get a chance for backstage passes too, that would kick ass. The bands:
Marilyn Manson
Killswitch Engage
Bullet For My Valentine
Canibal Corpse
The Black Dahlia Murder
Job For A Cowboy
God Forbid
All That Remains
What’s that spell? Badass!! Last year was fantastic with Slipknot, Disturbed, Machine Head, Walls of Jericho and Five Finger Death Punch. A whole day of nothing but goddamn glorious hatred spread through the wonderful sound of metal. I just may shit kittens.

Monday, July 20, 2009

How Did I Not Wake Up With A Hangover?


I think I drank a twelve pack of Bud Light and a half a handle of Pomegranate Martini last night. I don’t remember drinking that much, then again I don’t know why I woke up naked. Anyway, I wasn’t planning on drinking that much, it just happened. First, let me tell you how I got that Bud Light.

Saturday night a group of my friends who live together had a Zombie Party, you were supposed to come dressed up as a zombie. If you didn’t they had a make-up booth set up in the corner of the dining room and would do it for you. I chose the latter, but made sure to wear my shirt that simply says, zombie. So after a while Jenn and her sister Kat (the make-up girls) got too drunk to do it anymore. Some of the people who showed up did it themselves, most just said fuck it. I knew most of the people there, one that I didn’t know was apparently talking shit about me, just never when I was near him, another was this annoying fucking emo kid. Well, the beer came from the annoying emo kid. Frank had got the first 30 pack of Budweiser, I had provided the second 30 pack of Budweiser, and when I noticed that was low I saw this 30 pack of Bud Light. I went to reach for it and emo kid goes, “Hey.” I say hey back and continue to reach for it.
“That’s my beer, what are you doing.”
“I’m about to put it in the fridge we’re running low.”
“I didn’t say you could drink my beer.”
Balls for an emo kid, but I look down and see a Budweiser in his hand.
“I didn’t say you could drink my beer.”
“They said anything here was fair game.”
“Exactly, like the beer I’m about to put in the fridge.”
I look at him and smile, then walk away. A little later I hear him arguing with JT, one of the guys who live there.
“There was another bottle of rum where did it go?” -Emo Kid
“I hid it, its my bottle, I want something to drink tomorrow.” (they had gone through 5 bottles of liquor already)
“I want a shot.”
“I don’t care go get your own bottle.”
“Liquor stores aren’t open now.”
“So give me a shot.”
“Fuck off.”
He walks away, and the emo kid follows him. I went outside and smoked a cigarette, came back in and see the kid still talking to JT, I look over and see his beer sitting there. I grab it, walk out the door, and go home. Sunday beers for me.

So the Sunday drinking (I‘m saying it like it was days ago, it was last night)…I pulled a double at work. I hate working doubles. Spending 12+ hours in a kitchen fucking sucks. Then I start texting the girl I was “seeing?” She had said Thursday that she didn’t think we should date, I have no idea where it came from considering I was there at 4 in the morning fucking her. Anyway, the last couple of days I had been trying to convince her to change her mind (we hadn’t even been on a ‘date’ yet).

She basically makes no sense. She says she likes me, that she thinks I’m cute, and that I’m a wonderful guy. Yet she can’t date me. She told me that I’m basically her fantasy guy and that she couldn’t see it going anywhere in the long run.

Again, we haven’t even been on a date.

She says that we are too opposite, we don’t have enough in common, that we are too different.

Yet again, we haven’t even gone on a date.

I really know jack shit about her other then she can have sex for hours and likes pain. Two thumbs up from me. I don’t know how she was making all of these assumptions without even really knowing me. My roomie said it was because she was a ’professional,’ a degree, a career, a house and I’m a line cook who parties a lot and failed out of college. He seems to think she would view me as not having any ‘potential.’ What the fuck? Really? I didn’t believe him until I pretty much asked her the same in a text and she agreed with him. She was supposed to be a ‘hippie?’ Bullshit bitch, she’s apparently just like every other stuck up woman who would rather be gold-digging then actually looking for someone who would treat her right. If that’s the case, and she’s really that vain, I’m glad I gave up. I hope she's not though...I hope she's just dumb. Personally I don’t care how a woman dresses, what she does for a living, or where she lives. If she fit’s the tiny criteria and is intelligent and cultured, she could have blue hair and live in a hotel for all I give a fuck.

I’m just confused, and a little hurt, I don’t just fuck random women, I don’t do one night stands. I told her the first time we had sex that I have been in a relationship with everyone I’ve slept with, and she liked that. At least I thought she did. I don’t know how you go from talking to a person and fucking around with them for ten hours to not even wanting to see them in less then a week, Sunday-Thursday…two days of marathon sex and plenty of texting rolled in there.

To make it worse. I got drunk texting her and turned into a bawling idiot. I looked back at my messages when I woke up and went “Fuck.” I never cry…I’m like a goddamn rock…and this woman just had me crying like a baby in my fucking beer, just because she won’t even go on a single date with me. What the fuck. That date, was going to be as follows, had she agreed to it.

Last night when I got off work I was going to take a shower and go to her place and fuck her brains out, wake up and she makes me vegan pancakes (I’ve never had them and she told me she would make them for me), go for a hike with her dogs, come back for more sex, go eat at this place called CafĂ© Sunflower that was ranked one of the top 10 vegan restaurants in the country, go out for drinks, come back for more sex. Tell me that does not sound like one of the best fucking days…ever. I’d love it.

Anyway, I guess if there was a plus side she has made me want to start dating again. Also, I’m becoming the flirt I used to be. This could be a good thing…or a bad thing…considering my ‘asshole‘ nature seems to come back too.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

A Conversation From Last Night via Text Messages

So…I’ve finally been happy the last couple of days, because of the new lady. I’ve even been listening to hippie music instead of metal. I’m smiling, and I’m laughing again. Wouldn’t you know it, after a great convo with the new lady via texts my x would hit me up. Perfect timing right? Considering I was talking about what follows around July 9th on facebook. It went as such.

Her: So I’ve heard from a couple people youre under the impression I started seeing the guy I’m with now while you and I were still together. This is not the case AT ALL. He didn’t even start working at the store until the end of july and I didn’t even start TALKING to him till the second wk of August [she stopped living with me the first week of August. I had her cat until the third week of September]. I worked with him but didn’t really meet him til we happened to both go out after work the 2nd wk August. Just wanted to clear that up. Hope you are well.

Me: Whatever. Enjoy your life.

Her: Don’t fucking “whatever” me like you don’t care. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t have texted Courtney abt it. She told me abt it tonight and I thought I would clear it up for you.

Me: I don’t care. Not anymore. Found a new muse. Moved on. You don’t exist to me.

Her: That’s uncalled for. I was trying to answer you questions and youre just being unkind.

Me: Fuck you. Seriously. Miss I want to date women. I don’t want you to work with me. How can you move on quickly? [she asked me that when we were breaking up] I want to be alone. Fuck you.

Her: You have got to get past this. It happened a yr ago. I meant what I said. I had drama with 1 girl, slept with another, met a guy who I said no way to but then after awhile decide to give a try.
Her: and I didn’t want to work with you. This guy I met at work so its kinda hard to say that. What am I supposed to do, tell him to change jobs cause we met and work together.

Me: Awhile? A few weeks? Fuck off. I’m done. Really. I’m moving on. I thought you were the one. Thankfully you weren’t.

She didn’t answer after that one.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

This and That

So I was originally intending this blog to be another pissed off rant, this one being about my roomie, well, the roomie and his girlfriend. So I’m going to start with that and end with the good.

So my roomie currently doesn’t have a job (and makes more on un-employment then I do working) and neither does his girlfriend. So I wake up to go to work with her being there (let me tell you, there is nothing like hearing the sex that you aren’t having when you wake up for work), and come home from work to her there. Not that bad, except that she’s married, they take up the living room, and you walk around to the sounds of sucking face. I don’t mind the married, I dated a married woman (separated), she’s still married. So anyway, the main rant comes from the other day. I came in from work and they were standing in the kitchen I plopped down on the couch and opened my laptop and he came in there and was like, “We were about to watch an episode of True Blood.” I looked at him and said, “That’s cool.” So they sit down and cuddle a little and in a few minutes she says, “You really smell, you should take a shower.” I didn’t even look up, I merely replied, “I have no one to impress.” A few seconds later the roomie looks at me and says, “She’s right dude, you really stink.” To which I replied, “I work in a fucking kitchen, what do you expect?” She replied, “You could take a shower.” I almost yelled at them, “Well at least I have a fucking job, how about either of you? Do either of you work? No? Then shut the fuck up.” I wanted to, but I didn’t do it. When I come home and find his dirty dishes in the kitchen I just let them sit there, I honestly don’t give a fuck. If he leaves trash on the counter, I leave it there. I don’t really cook, I cook for a living so the last thing I want to do when I come home is cook. I’ve even come home and if I see he left food out and he’s asleep I’ll bag it up and put it in the fridge. Well, I come home from work the other day (and naturally because he’s home and not working he’s trying to keep everything spotless) to find my empty rammen bowl and package wrappers on my bed. I think it pissed me off the most because he actually had to go out of his way to put it in my room. The wrappers were in the kitchen next to the trash can and the bowl was in the living room in which case he would have passed the kitchen to get to my room. What the fuck is up with that? On to the good.

I met a girl. Well, I didn’t really meet her we used to go to high school together and I haven’t seen her since. But she found me on face book and we hooked up Sunday night. She’s my type…by that I mean tiny. She’s a vegan, a runner, a hippie, does yoga, she’s divorced. I haven’t been with anyone in a year and she said she’s working on five. It was fantastic. We went for a walk in the rain. Messed around to the point that I didn’t even get any sleep before I had to go to work. She has also only been with one person. I would do little things that are common to me but she had never done before. It was interesting for the simple fact that all of the girls I’ve been with have been, well, experienced. I’ve never been with anyone where I was the more experienced partner. I like her, I guess we are dating now but I can’t really get a vibe from her if that’s what she wants. She kind of hinted at it on Sunday night but she was also drunk. She was a little stand offish the next day but she was also incredibly hung over. She’s weird, but I like that. It feels a little odd for me though to go from a year of singledom to suddenly being in a relationship (if that’s even the case), I don’t know if that’s really what I want, but I’m not against sticking it through and seeing if its right. I know I’m the happiest I’ve been in a year though. I’m actually listening to the Garden State soundtrack today and I never listen to that unless I’m happy, for the most part its been all metal in my music life. Ohh yeah, did I mention she’s a fifth grade teacher? Awesome! I like being in relationships. I like having someone to hold. I like having someone to share life with me. If this works out it will be the only good thing to happen to me this year. Maybe it can start a streak of good things, you know how everything happens in 3’s. Who knows, maybe I will find a better paying job. Maybe, just maybe, I can start writing again, because I find it’s the women in my life who are my muses. Lets see.

Did I mention she bruises easily? Not such a good thing. LOL. Or that she thinks I’m cute? A “stud” actually, is she insane? I like her even more. She also like the longhair and the goatee.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Clermont Lounge: Atlanta's Finest

So last night was my first trip to the Clermont Lounge in Atlanta. I’ve lived here for…shit…ten years now and I think since I’ve moved here I’ve been hearing about it. All buzz. From the fact that there is a stripper that crushes beer cans with her tits, a mother daughter duo with the mother being more attractive, a 70+ year old stripper, that celebs like Marilyn Manson, Kidd Rock, John Stewart, even Bill Murray frequent it when they are in Atlanta. Its gotten votes for being one of the best dive bars in America.

What I got was a place that I felt like I could catch a disease just from sitting in the seats. I’ve had friends tell me they’ve puked right at the table they were sitting at and it didn’t bother anyone. This place, was a shit hole. There were ladies dancing that looked like they were around my mothers age and I’m not talking Sela Ward more like Roseanne. The place says it has been around since 1965 and I have no doubt some of the women have been there since they opened.

We got there around midnight and the place was packed. When I say packed I mean like elbow room, which was annoying when a skinhead decided to try and get in a fight with a black guy right in front of me. I couldn’t move even if I’d wanted to. What was interesting, considering it is a “strip club,” is that more people were paying attention to the karaoke then they were the dancers.

The place was dingy, dirty, my eyes hurt when we left just from the level of cigarette smoke. I think I even found a joint roach in my ashtray. I’m all about dive bars, they are my favorite type of bars to frequent. This place however was beyond a dive. I spent way more money then I would have at any of my local dives and I didn’t even get drunk. The whole time I was on edge waiting for something to happen. It looked like ninety percent of the people in there were on a smorgasbord of drugs.

One of my buddies, Scott, had a girl come up and start talking to him, they went over to a corner and proceeded to continue talking. She said she was a stripper at the “Pink Pony,” to which my reply was bullshit, the women at the Pony are above average, this girl wasn’t. When she originally started talking to him one of her friends, an attractive girl with a sleeve and an ample amount of cleavage came up and looked at me, smiled, and said hello. I said hello back then turned to continue my beer and cigarette. Later I looked at my friend Frank and said, “I’ve been out of the dating scene for awhile now, should I have talked to her?” To which we both died laughing. Later our other friend Steven would tell Scott how he had slept with that girl before to the extent of “you didn’t even need to talk to her,” and, “I asked her if I needed to get tested afterwards.” Most assuredly not the type of bar you would pick anyone up in, what with dodging crack heads, fifty year old drunks, and guys that look like Chester the good ole Child Molester.

I also felt out of place. I had the piercings and tattoos down, but not the attire. All of my friends (with the exception of Frank) looked like 80’s punk band rejects and so did a large number of the rest of the crowd. With the exceptions of the 50’s crowd, the biker groups, and the Molesters.
One of the worst parts about it was sitting at the bar you were naturally in front of the strippers and they would eyeball you. I almost gave them money because I felt guilty. One of the dancers, who I found out goes by Blondie, actually looked at the guy in front of me and said, “Hey, you got some money to help a poor negro out?” Jesus. To see the lovely Blondie,

Jenn eventually bought Steven a lap dance from one from one of them which kind of made the whole night worth it, it was one of the most disgusting/funny things I have ever seen.

So what can I say? Go to it once, just to experience it.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The First Blog: A Broken Heart

So, I used to write a blog, but it got old when everyone I knew read it. I could no longer say anything personal because then everyone immediately got in my business and decided to ask me questions or people I didn’t want knowing my business would hear about it and know it anyway.

Well, it was the good folks at Pajiba and a friend of mine (who actually got me into Pajiba) who have been convincing me to start writing a blog again. Pajiba, because I notice that most of the others have one. The friend, Michael, because he understands that sometimes you need to get things out but you need an outsiders perspective. Don’t know how many people will actually read this, but I just feel the need to be able to get things out, and the journal is not working for me anymore.

So, what this blog will basically be is like a day to day report of my life. Will it actually be everyday? I have no idea. There are some days when I will probably be so drunk I can’t even see the screen (after all, self-medicating is fantastic). Others where the day will be so fucking boring that I have nothing to write about. But write I will, maybe it will bring the passion back and I will be able to start writing again for real. So, where to begin?

It will be a year at the end of this month since I broke up with my last girlfriend. In that year I have not gone on a single date, I haven’t had sex, I haven’t even tried. In fact sometimes when I recognize a girl is interested in me, I run in the other direction. I had thought I had found the love of my life. She broke up with me three months before I was going to propose to her. Let me explain a little more.

She was bi-polar, so yes at times she was bat shit crazy and depressing as fuck. However, it was the times when she was happy and sane that made me swoon. Let me go further.

A week after our first date she tried to kill herself. Now I know most other men would have run in the opposite direction, but me being a depressed person myself I couldn’t do it, I had love to give, and she needed it. So I stuck around. The lady she was living with wasn’t a friend, or even her mother, it was simply a lady that took her in out of the cold. She became quite obsessive and controlling after the suicide and so when (for the sake of argument lets call the x Jane) needed to get out of there I took her in. So Jane started living with me. Here we go.

She didn’t have a car so I took her to work (an hour trip), I took her to college, I took her to doctors appointments (one of which was an hour away). I paid for everything, food, alcohol, the $300 necklace and Ipod she got (because she was in debt up to her eyeballs), lets not forget the sky-diving trip for her birthday. Lets just say I gave her everything I had to give, love, money, life. I dealt with coming home and finding her bleeding in the bathtub, carrying her inside after she threw up inside my car leaving a friends party, slaps to the face when she was going through a manic moment…the list continues.

Well I quit my job because it sucked and was in the process of looking for a new one. I’m a cook, and when the manager of the restaurant she was working at heard I was looking he offered me a job making $14 when I was only making $10. She didn’t want me to work at the same place as her so I found another job making $10. Then I decided to move out from where I was living and pretty much told her, “Look, since I’m moving to this new place and not really getting the hours I need at work I’m not going to be able to pay for a lot of things anymore.” A month later she broke up with me, her reason was to “date women.” When I moved out she moved in with a friend, she couldn’t keep her cat so I watched her for two months.

Well…about five months later I found out several things.
One, she had her own apartment.
Two, had gotten a car.
Three, was dating a guy.
Four, he was living with her.
It instantly pissed me off because everything I did for her she was now doing in reverse. Well, I guess I also got pissed off because the guy came up to my nipple and looked like a tiny fucking troll. Did I mention he also works as a cook at her restaurant? I met him, or saw him, the first time I’d seen her in nearly six months. He eyeballed me across the bar the whole night, and all I could do was smile.

Anyway, she put some new pics up on her Facebook recently and of course, couldn’t help myself. What I see is three separate vacations, that she is getting a house, etc. All the signs that point that she is doing much better then I am. Then I see a wall post that she had replied to one someone sent her (yes…Facebook stalking), low and behold what does it say, that she will have been dating the new boyfriend for a year next month.

Wait…my blood boiled.

The girl who broke up with me to date women would have literally broke up with me and started dating him within days or weeks.

Which made me also think, could she have been cheating or wanting to date him before we even broke up?

Which also would make sense of why she didn’t want me to work there.

I know I shouldn’t obsess, but in all honesty I can’t help myself. I know I should move on, but my heart was torn apart, it hasn’t healed any, and the gaps keep tearing even more.

I used to go to the movies every week. I think I’ve gone to five in the past year. I used to read, a lot. I think I’ve read four books. Museums, concerts, random road trips, hiking, star gazing, don’t do it anymore. I used to ride around and try new bars…nope. I don’t do anything that I used to do. All I do, is drink. My roomie asked me one day when the last time I bought food was, I said I couldn’t remember. So he asked me when the last time I bought alcohol was, I opened a beer and tipped it in his direction. I can’t even write. I think in the past year I’ve written maybe two stories and a few poems. I used to churn them out. That, is what depresses me even more, my inability to write.

How bout this for a first blog?