Seattle: Part One

I was going to put off writing any updates on the trip until I got back but fuck it, why not right? So we landed at around 10pm Seattle time, which would make it 1am on the east coast. By the way, a seven hour flight fucking sucks. Really sucks. I can’t imagine now taking a flight all the way to Europe, like a fucking 14 hour flight. Screw that…I’m going to go by boat. Actually, fuck that…I’ll fly. By the time we got the rental car (a PT Cruiser hahaha), checked into the hotel, and got settled it was around 3am east coast time. Needless to say my mother passed out snoring rather loudly…I think I must have gotten to sleep around 5am ECT and was promptly woken up around 11am ECT…which would make it 8am here. Yeah…I think that’s the earliest I’ve gotten up since, well, awhile. The only times I get up early are to go fishing, other than that I’m not really a morning person.

We got to my aunts house a little while later and after chilling out there I pretty much assumed the day was going to be a bust. Everyone kept asking me what I wanted to do. Now, what I want to do on vacation is drink, a lot. Unfortunately I have to drive the car, the main reason being my mother can’t drive at night. So they kept asking and kept asking. Finally I was like, “Is there snow on the mountain?” The reply I got from my cousin was, “There is always snow on the mountain.” Cue the inner monologue…I’ve never ‘really’ seen snow. I mean, I’ve seen snow, but the snow in Georgia is nothing like it is up here. I want to see snow. So my response was, “Let’s go up the mountain.” My cousin drove because he actually has a vehicle that can handle snow and ice and away we go. Sadly the main mountain has already been closed off for the season but we were able to head up to another peak. Cue the snow. Ohhh my god…you want to talk about beautiful? That, was fucking beautiful. I know there’s a lot of you fucks who actually live in places that get a shit ton of snow. You know what I say to you? Look at it. I mean really look at it. It’s fucking beautiful. Imagine coming from a place that never sees snow, a place that has 100 degree weather 4-5 months out the year, a place where the most snow you see you have to rake up your entire goddamn yard just to make a snow man. Snow…is fucking beautiful. Why do ya’ll think I want to move up north. I love the cold…I love snow.



Anyway…needless to say that made my day. We get back to my aunts house and at first it was fantastic. I had the first home cooked meal I’ve had in a long, long, time. I typically (because I cook for a living) don’t cook for myself. Even when I do its not the same as having a home cooked meal cooked for you. My aunt made homemade macaroni and cheese, cornbread, beans, sausage, and a type of slaw. Foodgasm. No really. Foodgasm. See, even when I go to my parents house they don’t cook anymore. They are on some weird fucking diet and so there is no food in the house. When I go to my sisters the only thing she has ever made is spaghetti, again, not really a home cooked meal. That was perfect. However, after that things got really dull. My cousins aren’t around my age, in fact they are more my mother’s age, but they act my age. One of them has piercings and tattoos, they both love to drink. SO hanging with them was pretty cool, however, they left. What I found myself with was my Grannie who is 87, my Aunt who is turning 70 on Saturday, and my step-Uncle and my Mom who are both in their late 50’s. B.O.R.E.D.O.M. I watched some shit video my S-Uncle had made of my aunt singing…cringe inducing. Listened to them go on and on about shit I didn’t really want to hear. (FYI my mom is snoring louder then shit again). Generally, as my mom put it, I was starting to turn into a zombie in front of her eyes. So she asks if I’m ready to leave and I say, “If you’re ready.” We leave.

The whole time I’m there and on the way home I’m texting Trouble. She pretty much agrees with me that I need alcohol…stat. So I stop at a gas station near the hotel and go in to buy beer. True story though, let me interrupt for a second, I go into a gas station near my Aunt’s house and the attendant asks to see my ID…she sees the GA ID, can’t figure out where the date is. I point it out, she looks at me and says, “I figured you were younger then 18.” Really? Me? I know she was flirting with me, in fact, since I’ve been here I’ve had several girls flirt with me but let me tell you this. I have yet to see an attractive girl in Washington. So I go into the gas station to buy beer and I figure I’ll grab a 12 pack of Budweiser…(holy shit cigarettes are $7 here)…so I walk up to the door and I see. Twelve pack of Budweiser=$11.99...I look down Eighteen pack of Budweiser=$12.99...My brain went Durrrrr. I went, why would I pay $11.99 for a twelve pack when I can get an eighteen pack for a dollar more? So I grab the eighteen pack and point this fact out to the attendant and she says, “You’d be surprised at how many people still get the twelve pack.” What a bunch of fucking idiots.

So I’m back at the hotel, mom is snoring, and I am trying to get at least a good buzz on so I can pass out. Tomorrow (or today as the case may be) we are going to the Fish Market here. I want to see the dude’s toss the fucking fish. Plus, from what my cousins have told me there’s plenty of shit to do down there.

I’ll likely post later again in the week. Don’t want to tell you everything I’m doing. In case I have a stalker.

P.S. a stalker would be totally badass. Especially if their intent is to rape me.

P.S.S. I hope the stalker is a female. I don’t really want surprise butt sex.