Thursday, November 12, 2009

#2 A Practical Guide to Racism

So I just finished A Practical Guide to Racism and may I just say…holy shit. If you don’t have a rather twisted sense of humor like myself you will likely want to go find the author and fist rape the ever living fuck out of him. I mean shit, there were even parts in the book where I wanted to go kick the shit out of him. The book itself is what I would call a coffee table book, in fact the friend I borrowed it from had it in his bathroom…yep. At 195 pages its another on the short scale but trust me I’m going to make it up to you when I read Dianetics and Mein Kampf, which I plan on reading one right after the other so my head will implode. Anyway…I digress.

The book breaks down into several chapters. Those being: Hispanics, Jews, Whites, Indians (and Injuns), Blacks, Asians, Merpeople, Arabs, Gypsies, Sexual Races, Ancient Races, Interracial Dating, Questionable Races, The Good Ones, Crania of the Races, and a Glossary of Racial Epithets. Each one of these prior to Sexual Races has a simple format that typically does an intro to that race followed by a history, stereotypes, conclusion, and further reading (where he actually gives you other books to read. An example from the “Blacks“ section “Simpson, O.J. If I Did It. ReganBooks, 2006.”). Some of them don’t stick to this outline, “Asians” and “Hispanics” for example include a breakdown of geography. In “Blacks” there is a time-line. As well many of the funniest parts in the book come from the footnotes and illustrations. TV and movie references will make the read even better. I found that everytime I recognized a movie reference a smile would spark across my face. He also uses music a lot but I'm not very good with that one. APGtR is a fucked up book though. It is exactly what you think it is, a racist look at every race. However it’s the type of book that can make you laugh and then go Fuck…I shouldn’t be laughing should I? I don’t even know if the background on this guy Dalton is real or not. If it is, he’s one smart hateful/funny bastard. Ok its not…I just did some research (imagine that) and without going too much further I think it’s the same actor that’s in this video, Dan Bakkedahl.

At points the book will drag, for example, "As John Lennon said, '____ are the nigger of the world.'" is in every section. The first few times I laughed, then it was just plain fucking retarded. The section on "Gypsies" got old really quick. In fact, just skip that section. I don’t really know how to explain this book anymore, or review it considering really doing so would give the entire book away, so I’ve decided to give you some excerpts and let you decide for yourself.

From Whites
“CANADIANS: See appendix on Gays.”

From Indians (and Injuns)
“At the top of this social order is the Brahmin caste, which is composed of scholars and priests. India is one of the few countries in the world where smart, educated people are looked up to by their social inferiors. In America, they are forced to live on meager stipends and research grants, and claw each others’ eyes out competing for the slightest hint of job security.”

From Asians
“Japanese people do not bow in greeting out of politeness. Rather, they do it because they are eager to lean in and smell the crotch of everyone they meet. If someone bows to you, you should punch them in the top of the head, because that’s disgusting.”

From Arabs
“It is a little known fact that Arabs are made of a highly volatile compound similar to nitroglycerin. Under stressful conditions, they are liable to spontaneously combust, and their nervous constitutions cause them to do so frequently. Often in public places, like cafes and Israeli buses.”

From Ancient Races
“PERSIANS: The Persians were a race of transvestite monsters, led by a huge bald freak with swords for arms. So it’s a clear line from them to present-day Iranians.”

From Glossary of Racial Epithets
Bar Code - A Jewish person. Because Jewish people like material things so much that they actually get product UPC symbols tattooed on their inner arms.”

Yeah…so like I said. If you have a fucked up sense of humor get this for your coffee table. If you don’t have a coffee table get this for the bathroom when you want some alone time. I was planning on reading Mein Kampf next but I think I may hold out on that one. Plus, I don’t think it will look good to be reading that on an airplane. I also think reading two books on racism in a row might make me start hating society even more than I already do.

1 comment:

  1. excellent review, i have to find this today.

    i'll admit to having at least one rascist thought every 14 seconds, but then again i really really hate the laotians.