Saturday, October 10, 2009

Stay Positive!!

I’m trying to stay positive fuckers. Positive.

I love the fact that in Shoot Em’ Up the baby stops crying to Strapping Young Lad.

So I had a good night out tonight…nothing crazy…few drinks…hung with friends. I love being out in public. I hate sitting at home. Home is a curse to me.

I didn’t send her a message, chat with her, or leave her a wall post today. So…Day #1.
Back to Shoot Em’ Up…the bouncer at the club is played by Stephen Hart. I don’t know if you’ve seen the miniseries “Fear Itself” but he plays the “Eater” in that episode called, well, “Eater.” The episode pretty much sucked ass, but Elisabeth Moss from “Mad Men” is in it as a cop, makes it all worth it.

I found out that the job I was hoping to get is a no go. Back to the drawing board. Yes, that really sucks, but I’m trying to stay positive! I have a lot of hours coming next week so I should have a really good paycheck. Although my buddy, the night cook, just said that he is going to ask for a raise…two dollars more then me…or he puts in his two weeks. Ummmm…that would really suck if he makes more then me. I may just quit and fuck myself.

Fuck Monica Bellucci is hot as shit. Every time I think of her I think of Brotherhood of the Wolf or, Le pacte des loups in the original French. Which, by the way, I can’t watch a foreign film dubbed, fuck that shit.

You know, even though Clive Owen isn’t what you would consider “attractive” by most standards. I would kill to look like him. That motherfucker is manly as shit. Haha an engagement ring of a trigger. Not to mention he starts spanking the lady. Hehehe.
Damn’t, now I want to watch Brotherhood…do I have the time? Hmmmm.

Anything else positive? Ummmm. Not so much. Ohhh, I did get to eat Taco Bell tonight.
Yeah…guess that’s all I got…I’m going to watch some Asa Akira.

Also, I appreciate the votes for therapy but alas, the way I was raised, I can’t do it. It is extremely hard for me to ask for help. Really. In college people kept telling me to get a tutor. I would rather handle it on my own. I also almost committed suicide once, I stopped myself. I prefer to work through things on my own. Not to say if you do it that its bad. Its just not my thing. I have plenty of friends that rely on it and its better for them. Its just not my shtick.


  1. don't make me punch you in the throat. "the way i was raised" argument as a reason not to try something that may be beneficial to your well-being? for pete's sake, i was raised in a non-denominational Spirit-filled environment. my parents ordained ministers and my grandparents pastor the church. i'm about as far away from the way i was raised as the moon and better off for it!
    you've got this whole big internet to research how to make your life a happier one. just repeating positivity may not cut it (you do know that we're smarter than that and can see through your bs, right? :)
    you've got a support group you've never met, dude, don't forget that.

  2. I can relate to the not asking for help thing. I always feel like if I can't do something on my own, then I'm a failure. But, in recent years, I have come to understand and accept that there are some things that I cannot accomplish by myself; it's impossible. It's okay to ask for help sometimes. It doesn't make me less of a person, or less capable (I am pretty goddamn capable, you see). (I'm not trying to pressure you into it at all, by the way, or tell you you're wrong; I'm just giving you another perspective.)

    I'm sorry your prospective job opp didn't pan out. However, and I know this because I'm a super genius (srsly, ask my mom), other opps will come along. Keep your eyes open (ugh, that sounds cheesy and cliche, doesn't it? Well, too bad. Some things are cliche for a reason).

    You know, I feel like I didn't like Le pacte des loups, even though I really wanted to. Maybe I should watch it again. (Also in the French, because I too hate dubbing. I've trained myself to use my peripheral vision to skim the subtitles. NightWatch is so so so much better in Russian. I wish I could read it so I could read the original text of the book; it's odd in English, probably because a lot is lost in translation.) If I do, plan to have a discussion with me about it.

    Anyhoodle, good job on the positivity (it'll feel -and sound- more natural eventually ;)) and the not texting/posting/emailing/chatting with the crush-girl! And I'm glad you got to go out with friends. Keeping busy is an excellent way to ...well, keep busy. And keep your mind off things.