Friday, October 16, 2009

I...Am A Golden really...true story

Nothing major to report. Just felt like talking.

I got off work yesterday and proceeded to stay there and drink. So…for those paying attention I got off work at 4pm yesterday and drank until I left around 11pm. From there I went to Bullfrogz (a shit hole…my type of bar). Daria, Brad, and Steven met me up there. I bought Daria and I a fishbowl and Brad and Steven one as well of Fuck Me Blue. Drank that. Bought a Jaeger Bomb for Steven and I. Then I bought the all you can drink bud light pass. Total tab for the night $35. I stopped drinking around 2am. That’s 10 straight hours of drinking. I am a Golden God.

While at the bar I met a girl. Hold on, let me tell the story for this one.

So I love to people watch…fucking love it. Being into it so much I’ve also done a lot of research on reading body language. Think "Lie to Me" but it has little to do with facial gestures…I’m almost that good. Haha. Anyway, I was going around the bar with my eyes, talking to Daria and pointing out what’s going on with the people around us.
I see a girl flirting with a guy to get him to buy her drinks…body language says: You’re not getting laid buddy.
I see a guy flirting with a girl…body language says: She really wants you to leave her the fuck alone.
I see a girlfriend making out with her boyfriend…body language says: She’s also got a hand on the guys crotch sitting next to him.
I see a guy across the bar eyeballing me…my body language says: Quit fucking eyeballing me (he stops).
You get the picture. You can also read who is depressed, happy, sick, scared, bored, mad, lonely, etc.

Anyway, so I’m sitting there telling all this to Daria and she goes (cue New Jersey accent), "What about the girl that keeps glancing at you?" Wha, wha, what? I take a quick glance over and go. "Yeah, but she has a hand on the guys thigh sitting next to her." Now what that says in body language is:
A) Its her boyfriend.
B) It’s a guy she is interested in. Touching someone is a tell-tale sign of an open conversation or interest. I.e. the types of hugging. If you hug someone and pat:friends, hold still:unsure, rub:interested in being more than friends. Now I realize this doesn’t fit every scenario, dating however…think about it.
C) He brought her.
I tend to always go with a first bet and so I assume its her boyfriend and go with that.

Daria smiles and says, "Then why does she still keep looking at you?" I look back over, catch her eye, and stay that way. She seriously just looks at me, starts to smile, and then looks away. Wha, wha, what? Of course the guy gives me a what the fuck look, but on a glance over of him I am in no way intimidated. So we do that for awhile, the eye game, and then I say fuck it and decide to talk to her. In mid conversation with the guy by the way, I ask her if she’s having a good time. She turns (closing the conversation with the guy), smiles, and starts talking to me. I don’t remember much after this point but I do remember that:
One: She just broke up with her boyfriend.
Two: That she works at the bar (which I will going to on Monday because…well…she works on Monday).
Three: That her name is Emily.
Suhweet. Daria left, then assumed I took the girl home, hahaha. Anyway I leave the bar and go to Kroger.

Now here I am, a big fat drunk dude at Kroger after 2 in the morning. I’m happy, great day, just spent two hours flirting with a girl, I’ve got a smile plastered to my face. I go straight to my aisle that the two frozen foods are on that I want to get. Cue black guy standing with his cart at the end of the aisle. So I stumble over to the first door, open it, then stare at the fucking bags of Bertolli 10 min microwave dinners for a good three minutes trying to read the labels. I find the one I want, grab it, and continue to the next stop. Standing in front of the door I need to get to is said black guy. I laugh. Why did I laugh? No fucking clue. Sometimes I just laugh at random for no goddamn fucking reason. I’m sure something funny popped into my head. Maybe my high spirits just leaked themselves out. Anyway, I laugh, then say excuse me and open the door.
"What the fuck were you laughing at?"
I look up.
"Say what?"
"What the fuck were you laughing at?"
"Nothing…I was just laughing."
"Were you laughing at me?"
"No, I was just laughing."
"What was funny?"
"Nothing man."
Granted I still have a smile on my face.
"You find something funny with me standing here?"
Now at this point what I really wanted to do was look at him and say…
"Look ya fucking cocksucker, I just had a good day. You know how long its been since I had a really good day? Are you wanting to ruin my really good day? You say one more fucking word and I swear to christ I will slam your little baby blue sweater shirt ass straight into that goddamn glass door until it fucking breaks. Then I’ll shit kick the holy god fuck out of you."

Instead, I shake my head, grab the taquitos I’m looking for, say "No man" and walk away…with a smile on my face because I just thought about shit kicking someone.

Well, that was my day. I’m about to go drink again all over again. I’m happy drinking though fuckers…I haven’t been depressed in several days. Of course I’m going to watch "Fringe" first, then bust out my new hoodie as I walk out the door.


  1. Dude! That does sound like a good day. I think the whuppin' would have been the cherry. As long as you didn't end up in jail. Good luck with the girl. Bang her one for me. No, no, just scream my name when you nut. No, no, have her scream my name when you nut. Yeah that's it.

  2. oh, you kids, with your drinking all day and laughing at the black people and your taquitos.

  3. so i watched 'dead snow', and i'm here to give a report.
    well, the beginning was a little long, but the last 30-45 minutes was fun. because i watched the english-dubbed version, i'm sure a little was lost in translation. the subtitles that popped up were Completely Different Wording than the dubbing. so i'm sure the script was up for ease.
    there was a little too much blood, and it pains me to say so. you'll see what i mean. there's good blood, and there's over-the-top gore and then there's perpetual pulse-y spray FROM THE UNDEAD. um, is that zombie's heart beating? i don't want to be distracted by that.
    but i mean, come on! it's Nazi Zombies so i wasn't taking it too seriously.
    there were a few sweet visuals, the fat guy's head in particular, and the way the nazi soilders moved through the snow in general.
    basically, it comes down to this: you know if you're going to enjoy it or not already. go ahead and rent it.