Monday, October 26, 2009

I Can't Think Of Anything Clever...So You Get A Shit Title

I didn’t think I was going to write today. In fact I’ve kind of put it off…much like I put off going to cigarettes and now I regret that as well. I really didn’t think I had much to talk about. Guess I did.

First the happy! I’m going to get to travel in November. I rarely get to travel anymore. Even though I’m going someplace I’ve already been I will have two differences this time. One, there will be points where I am going to be allowed to roam free (I’m going with my mother for my Aunt’s wedding). Unless I’m by myself I never get that opportunity. Two, I’m over 21 now. I think the last time I went I was still underage. Pretty sure. Although that time I just got high with my cousin everyday. He had “really” good weed. Three, nothing really, I’m going to be away from Georgia. My last trip was to Texas to pack up my Grandma’s stuff and put her in a nursing home. I actually got upset because my Aunt, Uncle, and Father were just going to throw away all her pictures. I didn’t want them but I took them for my sister who is a big family person and a photographer. Four, I’m likely going to go see one of the movies at SIFF. The Seattle International Film Festival. Which appears to play films year round. How fucking badass is that? Anyway, when I’ll be there it is Italian films. The three I am trying to choose from are as follows.

fortapasc (IMDB: "It was one of the five Italian films pre-selected as the Best Foreign Film submission for the 82nd Academy Awards")

sea purple (according to the SIFF website: Growing up in 19th-century Sicily, rebellious Angela ("Valeria Solarino) finds herself attracted to her best friend Sara (Isabella Ragonese). As deep friendship turns to romantic passion, her strict quarry boss father demands that the relationship cease and that she marry one of his workers. Refusing, Angela is locked in a cellar until her father determines a potential way for them both to get what they want.")

lecture 21

I’ve always wanted to go to the Atlanta Film Festival but unless you are press or want to pay a crazy price it gets kind of ridiculous. SIFF tickets are only $10 a show. That’s like going to a regular theatre but instead you get to see international films that will likely never even get a limited release. I live in the wrong fucking state. Fuck drinking, I’d be there everyday. Also they are doing “The Downfall of Osen (Orizuru Osen) [which] is one of the very few surviving silent films by revered Japanese director Kenji Mizoguchi…” (from the SIFF website). But that may be the day I’m flying in. Not to mention I really have to be in a mood to see a silent film. However, they are going to have a live concert to play along with the movie instead of a recording…still…only $15. SIFF is the shit!

Now to the not so happy…

I’ve been re-evaluating friends. If you looked at my group of friends over a year ago now it would look drastically different. This was also around the same time my relationship ended and when I moved into my apartment. Weird huh? I’ve never had a party here. No one ever asks to come over. I didn’t even pop the cherry in the motherfucker until recently. I almost want to purge my facebook just to start over from scratch. Its weird, but I almost consider the Pajiba community more as friends then the people I actually know in real life. Shit…I tell you motherfuckers more. I really only have “one” friend now. One that I almost always hang out with. I rarely see anyone else. My life is no longer the same as theirs.

Speaking of friends. My buddy is getting married on Friday. He’s been married for over a year now but she was around seven months pregnant when they got married and she wants a wedding. So I guess I should say my buddy is having his wedding on Friday. I haven’t seen him in that long. He used to be my best friend. Of course he is stationed in South Carolina, he has a wife, he has a kid. Like I said…different lives. I don’t really want to go now. I am (because I promised him), but I don’t want to. Not to mention its way the fuck away from me, around a two hour drive (although my dad has volunteered to be my DD), I’m going to have to work the next day, and a bitter enemy will be there. Bitter as in the sense that the last time I spoke with him I told him, “If I ever see you again I’m putting you in the hospital.” In all fairness I’ve seen him twice since then (didn’t really speak either time). As well I’ve heard he is unemployed, weighs only about twenty pounds lighter then me (three inches shorter) now, and divorced (after being married less than a year), so I may enjoy this meeting after all.

I saw another girl at the bar last night. I almost got drunk enough to talk to her. However, not only am I a chicken shit but all I kept thinking about was the damn Jibette. Fuck. No really though. She is literally the only woman I think about. I wake up and immediately check facebook to see if she sent me anything. I check it constantly at work on my phone. I sit on the goddamn computer for hours when I get home just to catch her online. It…is…fucking…pathetic. It’s pathetic and I fucking know it. It’s pathetic and I try and will myself to stop but it just doesn’t work. There’s just something about her. Something that I can’t let go of yet. Maybe if I figure out what that something is I can find another girl that has it. Maybe that something only she has.

I’ve also figured out my first three reads for the Cannonball Run II. Animal Righ
ts & Pornography, The Practical Guide to Racism, and Mein Kampf. Heh heh. Yeah. I’ve never read Mein Kampf and I already have several people that want to know what I think of it. I should have got it in original German, but it would have taken me a year just to read the fucking thing. I can speak the damn language ok but I can’t read it or write it for shit. Just a little taste? In The Practical Guide to Racism within four pages the author says, “Every person is d
ifferent , and it is rare for someone to fit a stereotype perfectly. Except for so-called “walking stereotypes,” like Carson for Queer Eye.” The book is hilarious. It takes on everything from white people to fucking mermaids…seriously…I can‘t wait to actually read it.

Eh. I guess I’m done. I’m still waiting for HULU to upload the newest episode of “Castle.” Pricks.

Oh, and gp that's a pic of me with my nephew for you.


  1. Dude, just so you know, you can only eat your own babies. Trust me. Totally with you on the Pajiba Pals though. I don't know anybody else who has the same interests and twisted sense of humour as I do. It's kind of a relief to know I'm not the only twisted fuck.

    I can appreciate wanting to purge the friends too. I did it when I was eighteen. I just left town for a year and only stayed in contact with one person. The whole "what am i doing with my life" joint. Then I ended up married at 21 with a kid at 22 and a carreer. Different directions my man, but the same type of thing. My freinds were all still going to bars and shit, but that wasn't my game. Nothing wrong with it, but I was going else where.

    SIFF sounds awesome! Do up a review.

  2. I purge my friends kind of frequently. I worked on ships for so long that I found that I had not much in common with them anymore. I've maintained 2 from high school, but everyone else rotates for the most part. It probably doesn't help that I'm not married nor do I have kids (and they all do!)

    Yup, Pajibans are my people too! I love having friends from all over. I feel like more of a cosmopolite. Plus, if I ever traveled anywhere where you guys lived, I know I would always have a drinking buddy...

  3. ha! admin called the baby-eating out before me!
    your book selections are tits, i can't wait til you finish Mein Kamph, the next year is going to be awesome.
    with you on the purging, let me give you a reverse look: my friend julie and i grew up knit so tight, people used to think we were siblings. then after college, with no warning, no argument, no nothing, she says she just doesn't want to talk to me ever again. for no reason. just grew apart. the rejection was incredible, but years later, i'm glad she let me go.
    i would totally hang with you in real life, but just like on the internet, i'd bitch-slap you if you got too mopey. we all would. but we can't. that's what makes the internet so cool.
    my advice: if you do have that one friend, who doesn't stunt your growth emotionally and mentally, cultivate that one friendship. at least for me, it's more important to have a small set of true blue pals, than have everyone like me.
    now if i can just get that message to my 20yo self, i'd be doing good.

  4. Sir, you are among the coolest of the 'jibans and I hold you in the highest esteem. Like you, almost all of my friends are Pajibans because living in the middle of Oklahoma (okay, Tulsa) doesn't give me much opportunity to meet really interesting, articulate, funny people in so-called "real life". You're all of those things and I'm glad to have met you.