Movies Will Rot Your Brain: Part II

Here I go again on my own…
Yeah fuckers, it’s round two time. Yes…I’m kind of drunk while writing this.

À la folie... pas du tout (He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not): Yeah, I went on an Audrey Tautou kick, the film co-stars Samuel Le Bihan (who I know from Brotherhood of the Wolf). The premise? Audrey is fucking crazy as shit and becomes obsessed/stalkerish with Samuel there. The film takes a unique perspective on the story though because it stops about halfway through and shows the beginning from his point of view. I liked it. It was kind of nice to see her as a villain.

Hors de prix (Priceless): Audrey Tautou again. I really liked this film. It was kind of a romantic comedy but not really. The film deals with a woman,
Irene (Audrey) who gets in relationships with men strictly for the money. The more they can give her the better. She thinks Jean has money but he really doesn’t. When she finds this out she takes him for broke. In a twist of fate he begins to do the same thing she does with an older woman. How it plays out? They quickly become friends/partners in crime until she finds out that she actually loves him. I didn’t give anything away, that part is kind of predictable, but its how the story unfolds that really tells the tale.

Le battement d'ailes du papillon (Happenstance): Again…Audrey. This film kind of plays out more of an intertwining story like Pulp Fiction or Amores Perros. You meet a lot of characters, hear a lot of tales, but it eventually boils down to who is right for who. I liked it…even though I wanted to kill the guy who plays Luc…or…well…the character of Luc.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon: Imagine if Jason, Freddy, and Myers were real. Take a guy who wants to be like them and considers them his hero. Turn it into a documentary and this is what you get. I fucking loved this movie. While it was pitched as a horror film I saw anything but. It was a unique perspective, especially when it kind of goes into detail of how they (the guys who slaughter) manage to rig the situations to their advantage. An example…they cut the tree branches reaching out from the second floor so if you try to go out they snap and you fall to your death. I found this film immensely entertaining.

The Alphabet Killer: Sometimes I wonder how films get made. First of all, let me name drop. Eliza Dushku, Cary Elwes, Timothy Hutton, Michael Ironside, Bill Moseley, Carl Lumbly. How? How do you turn this into a piece of shit? The film is based on a real serial killer…that’s about where it ends being cool. An example of retarded? The first girl is killed three years before the last…the medallion the first girl is wearing is still in the car of the killer three years later. Yep. Not to mention Dushku playing a schizophrenic lady is just, well, dumb. PLUS SIDE: You get Dushku topless. I almost had a “Buffy” nerdgasm.

The Perfect Witness: Take Mr. Smith (that Dane Cook/ Kevin Costner movie), make Wes Bentley the Dane Cook character only a filmmaker instead of a photographer and put in Mark Borkowski in for Kevin Costner and there ya go. I actually liked it better than Mr. Smith though. There were some what the fuck moments in the plot, but overall I really liked it. It was new…and I felt it had the look/feel of a film like Seven. I still watch movies like this and it makes me go, “What the fuck happened to Wes Bentley? He had so much potential.” An example of a what the fuck moment? He/they kill a girl in her apartment and yell at the top of their lungs. I’m not talking a concrete apartment. I’m talking a regular apartment. Cops would be called. They aren’t.

Descent: First I get period water drinking…now I get the most brutal rape scene in a film. It’s not the rape of Rosario Dawson…it’s the rape of the guy who raped her. Yeah. This film is very emotional, and pretty powerful. I didn’t understand the reason/un-explained descent of her into a drug phase but thankfully it doesn’t really focus on it to much. The beginning of the movie, and the end, can make you cringe. The rest just seems like a desperate attempt at an explanation that doesn’t work.

Let the Right one In (Låt den rätte komma in): It was good…I liked it…but I wouldn’t consider it a great horror film. For one, I didn’t really see the horror in it. Where was it? Because it dealt with vampires? What I saw was a weird, and at some points uncomfortable, love between young kids (I think they were around 11-12 years old). I kind of got an Gus Van Sant Elephant feel with the film.

Rise: Blood Hunter: Let me name drop again. Lucy Liu , Michael Chiklis, Carla Gugino, Marilyn Manson, Nick Lachey, Elden Henson, Fran Kranz ("Dollhouse"). Again? A piece of shit. Really. The only thing this movie shows is
that they are all horrible actors, at least in this film, especially Liu when she says lines like, "Turn around slow, emphasis on slow." Basically it’s a Blade that’s not a Blade. Liu is a reporter that accidentally (they meant to kill her) gets turned into a vampire. She turns around and starts killing them. Unlike Blade though she also decides to take human victims whenever she needs food. The part that really made me give up? She pees. Now why in the fuck would a vampire need to pee? BONUS: If you like her, which I do, Liu is topless a good deal of the movie, fully nude a few times, and runs around in her underwear quite a bit too.

My Name is Bruce: Directed by Bruce Campbell and pretty much costarring Ted Raimi the film is about a town that gets Bruce Campbell, thinking he is like his characters, to come and destroy the demon of the town. This film is priceless because not only does it make fun of Bruce himself but also of pretty much every film he’s ever done. If you are a fan of his…just watch it. If you’re not a fan of his…don’t bother.

With that I am off to sleep.