Thursday, February 25, 2010

#11 Death Troopers

Zombie, zombie, where’s the zombies. I smell a zombie. Zombie, zombie, gotta be a zombie. Only one thing smells like a zombie and that’s zombies. Zombie, zombie, zombie, zombie, there. In that book. What’s it say?! I can’t read! Please, please tell me what’s in that book. Oozing, pussing, moaning, zombies! Oh boy, oh boy, num num num num num it’s zombies!

Be prepared ladies and gentlemen. I’m about to go on a zombie binge. After this one I think I have…six…other zombie books to get through. Man, do I love it when I have friends that are as obsessed with zombies as I am. This one, by Joe Schreiber, is about zombies. I mean, with a title like Death Troopers you would likely think it is either something to do with zombies or some weird military book that deals with some badass unit. In other words…no…that would be an awesome book too, with a unit with a title like that. Anyways, the full title of the book should make you have a geekgasm. Star Wars: Death Troopers. Did you have a geekgasm? Did you? You should have. I don’t care who originally came up with the idea of combining zombies and Star Wars but the motherfucker is a goddamn genius. Ok…let me get back on track. 234 pages. The book is 234 pages. Jesus, where do I even begin?

The book takes place, I’m assuming, just a little before the events in A New Hope. I will discuss why in a little while. We start on an imperial prison ship headed to some prison moon that breaks down en-route. We are introduced to the main players right off the bat. Two brothers, the sons of a smuggler who recently died at the hands of the Captain of the guards. A doctor who was a rich girl that turned her back on that to actually “help” people. The before mentioned Captain of the guards. And…well, that’s really kind of it for the beginning of the book. I mean, we meet a guy that hates the brothers. We see that everyone pretty much hates the Captain of the guards. We also find out that everyone wants to see the doctor naked. As they drift through space they come across a ghost ship, which so happens to be an Imperial Destroyer (said to hold some 10,000 imperial troops), and board said ship to find parts to fix their own. Soon, the prison ship becomes over ran with an infection that kills quickly and our cast of main characters are the only ones left alive. Until…

The zombies arrive. Now, I don’t really know how to explain the zombies in this. They are kind of a combination of zombies and rage infected humans. Combined with…I remember some comic book villain that basically infected people with a hive mind…or you could just say The Flood from Halo or The Borg from Star Trek. Although more intelligent, the zombies even use weapons. I guess that kind of sums that up.

So…how was the book as a whole?

I didn’t really feel much for the characters. In fact, the only one I really felt for, White, is a really minor character. Likewise for a guard early on in the book. What’s more is you really find yourself feeling sorry for a character you never even fucking meet, just hear about. There was also a little twist that left me feeling, meh? Han Solo and Chewie are in this book (the reason why I saw before A New Hope is because Han is in his 20‘s). Of course, you could have guessed that with the fact that it is a prison barge and even in the movie they talk about their many run-ins with the empire. However, I don’t think they were really necessary for the book. If anything they just take away from the other characters. Not to say I didn’t love having some more interaction with the dynamic duo, I just felt they could have been used better elsewhere. The zombies also annoyed me a little, plus that the infection was a living organism threw me off guard too. There was also the little fact that characters keep re-surfacing for some fucking reason that doesn't make any sense. Say, for example, when the bad guy the brothers kill near the beginning ends up right there grabbing him as a zombie near the end? With some 10,000+ zombies what are the fucking odds?

I’ve only read a few other Star Wars books, most notably Star Wars: Darth Bane: Path of Destruction. Which, for those of you who have never heard about Darth Bane, he is like the most badass fucking Sith like ever…ever! So I can understand his desire to throw in characters that everyone can recognize, but I don’t think it was necessary for the story. In fact, it only made me wonder why Han never mentioned anything about goddamn zombies in the movies. You would think that would come about in conversation at some point.
Luke: I just saw Obi-Wan.
Han: Say what.
Luke: I just saw Obi-Wan.
Chewie: Rarrgghhh.
Han: I know big guy shut up. Look kid, where did you see the old man?
Luke: As a ghost,
Han: Ohh thank fucking yoda. Look kid, never say you saw a dead person because you have never seen a dead person until you’ve seen a walking dead person.
Luke: A what?
Han: Look, nothing, I don’t want to talk about it.

All in all? Read it if you are a Star Wars fan. If you’re not, you really won’t be interested in the ships, or a zombie Stormtrooper, or what the fuck an X-Wing is. You would likely just be lost the first time you read Rodian (see picture) or Dug and went, what the fuck do they look like? So there is my recommendation. Do you like Stars Wars annnnnnd zombies? Then this book is a great read.

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