Friday, February 11, 2011

Pretty Little Things

Atlanta never fails to disappoint.
I thought I was going to have a date last night. I took off work, started cleaning my car, I was even about to get a haircut and trim my beard. Thank god I didn’t do that. My plan was to take her to this burlesque sideshow in Atlanta. So when the date got canceled I debated going to Atlanta for the show or just working anyway. I chose the show…mainly because of Heather Holliday. A few months ago I saw a video…this video to be exact …and I’ve kind of had an obsession with her since. Not an unhealthy obsession. I don’t plan on stalking her or anything. She’s just incredibly hot. I can’t help myself. Consider it on par with a celebrity crush. I even wore my Warriors t-shirt. No one seemed to understand that The Warriors were from Coney Island…where she primarily lives and works. Oh well.

So I get to Atlanta and Steven and I go to Jack’s Pizza & Wings for some beers and pizza. Well, I ate pizza…he stole off my plate like a little bitch. How can you say, “I’m not hungry,” and then continually steal bites of my slice of white pizza? Anyway. I think our intent was to just chill there until it was time to go to the show. Then Corey called. Corey called saying he wanted to get drunk. So we go back to Steven’s to pick Corey up…and then back the way we just came to meet up with their friends Chris and Delia. The five of us then headed to The 5 Spot for the “Pretty Things Peepshow.”

Facebook said the event started at 8. We got there around 8:30. The event started at 10. So we skipped out on The 5 Spot and went to have a few drinks at El Myr. This was primarily because The 5 Spot didn’t allow smoking. How dare we be in a place that doesn’t allow smoking. There was a little intermission at El Myr with a crackhead. I find out that Delia and I get all of our tattoos by the same artist (Sam Parker). Other than that…there’s little to be said about El Myr. Although Steven did give us an informative presentation on what kind of fish they had mounted on the walls.

Back at The 5 Spot at 10 and we wait for the show to start. I ran into my friend Kim…whom I haven’t seen in a long time. It was good seeing her.

This was my first burlesque show. I’d have to say I enjoyed it. Despite the fact that they are not fully nude…I totally thought it kicked the shit out of a strip club. Burlesque was much more seductive and sultry. Not simply ass shaking and taking your clothes off. The creator of the show is a lady named Go Go Amy. She’s a beautiful woman. To put it mildly. When Heather came onstage, I about died. She participated in several routines. Personally she did a sword swallowing routine and a fire breathing one. She also helped out in a whip cracking and “electrifying” an audience member. To say I was enthralled is an understatement.

I noticed this chick that kept looking at Steven. So, when she sat down next to him, I mentioned this fact and they soon started talking. When the show ended we all stepped outside. As I’m standing out there Corey tells me to get the car started so it can warm up…in particular he said, “Give me the keys. I’ll get the car going.” Not likely. So Corey is standing there with me, Steven is talking to the lady, and I’m debating going back inside to meet Heather. I finally told myself, “Self. If you don’t at least say hi to her you’ll end up regretting it.” She’s very tiny. When I put my hand on her waist to get her attention I could almost touch from the center of her back to her belly button. I stammered something about seeing the previously mentioned video. She replied back about how she did that video while she was hyped up on too much caffeine. I said I just wanted to meet her. She smiled and said thank you. Done.

During the show Corey was being his usual rude drunken self. It’s one of those traits that you either hate, or learn to love. When I get outside he’s part of a large group of people. Steven is still talking to the girl, so I go and get the car started. It’s about that time I hear raised voices and Steven is giving me a look of “Shits about to get real.” How do I put this? We will call Steven’s lady friend A. One of A’s friends was part of that large group of people. Corey had mixed in with the group (he’s a social butterfly) and asked if they wanted to see a card trick. A’s friend replied back “No we don’t want to see some stupid card trick. Take that shit somewhere else.” Now this might just be me, but if a harmless drunk person asks if I want to see a card trick, I’m not going to be rude. Humor me. However, Corey being Corey responded back with “You don’t have to be a fat bitch.” Her boyfriend seemed to take offense to that. I see pushing going on. People are yelling at Corey to apologize. “A” is telling Steven, “I think this started because your friend was rude to my friend.” And Steven is REALLY looking at me now. The boyfriend is getting in Corey’s face and shoving him.
“Did you say something dick to my girl?”
“You didn’t call her a name?”
“Oh did I call her a fat bitch? Yeah, I did call her a fat bitch.”
This is when the guy starts swinging. Now, the boyfriend had a buddy who was standing on the edge of the group of people. When he started swinging his friend made a move like he was going to join him. He was a fairly large dude, but I put my hand on his shoulder and said “no.” He quickly calmed down. I have no problem with two people going man to man. I get upset when people decide to jump in. I was perfectly content to let Corey and the boyfriend slug it out. Then I feel a hand on my back and Steven is pushing me, “You’re big enough to do something.” Thanks Steven. So I get in between the two of them. I pull Corey away, boyfriends friend pulls him away. The shit talking get’s started. I drag Corey to the car, Steven is right beside us, and we haul ass out of there.

Onward to Gravity. As soon as we walk in the first thing we notice is that the place is quiet. In fact, the owner and bartender are playing Fallout: New Vegas. There’s a dude who is passed out at the bar, who Corey quickly wakes up. That guy then stumbled to the bathroom…where he passed out. He’s also the same guy that started puking on the floor. The bartender had gotten stuck in a mountain in the game. That provided for hilarious conversation the rest of the night. Corey eventually got out of the mountain, and was then killed by the Geico Gecko…twice. I got out of the mountain, killed two of the Gecko’s and was killed by a third. Then it was the bartenders turn again.

End with a trip to Krystal’s. That was a Thursday night.


  1. That isn't at all what happened. We went to church and bible study.

    AND i sent you over there to retrieve mr. hitchcock. saving me an extensive police report after discharging my firearm. which didnt happen. luckily. i hate writing.

  2. sounds awesome. You're a good man to have a round when things get ugly!
    I've always wanted to go to a burlesque show. I looked around for some but couldn't really find any...

    My sister goes to ones in New Orleans all the time: I bet those are better!